By Doyinsola Aluko
I am currently going through a phase in life where I know what I want to achieve and what I need to do to get there (thankfully) but afraid that I will not eventually get to the end of my journey successfully. I have talked to people of all ages and it seems I am not alone. It is not easy to come to terms with the fact that the ugly mess we see now will eventually become beautiful in the future. We are human beings and we rely a lot on certainty and proof. We want to be able to touch and see what we have in our minds. Words of encouragement and pep talks can only do so much. Trust me when I say I have mastered the art of speaking life and positivity into my life and actually believing my words. Prior to recent times, those words only knew how to come out but never back into this mind of mine that just loved to doubt. I am 100 percent sure the famous doubting Thomas had nothing on me. I just couldn’t believe in myself talk less of my very own words. It took a lot of voice recordings, depersonalization and even role playing to get things rolling. Imagine telling yourself “you are actually not a serious person. What makes you think you will fail if you try this? You better start before you reach 40 and start to regret things. You just like to be pampered. If you like, wait here and let life slap you with more complex situations.” Most times, I have had to push myself to believe that there was no way I could possibly be a failure even if I tried. Sadly, it doesn’t take too long for me to be hijacked again by the thought that would come next: “what if your failure doesn’t ever even get recorded and all your efforts never come up in life’s “trial” database?” This thought has kept me up for days and obviously nights. I would be lying if I said they no longer come. They still do but now I know how to subdue them and reduce the effect they have on my motivation and determination to achieve my future goals. I have observed the patterns of my unending self-doubt and have taken note of what still keeps me going. I’ll be sharing 7 techniques I’ve used to prevent myself from thinking and panicking all day and being up and wondering all night.
- Strive to Believe in Yourself
- I can doubt for an entire nation. I find it so hard to fully believe that anything I do is worth an audience talk less of an applause. The truth is, it is easier for me to cheer someone other than myself on because I believe no matter how hard their struggle might become, they will eventually pull through. Prior to when I decided to focus on strengthening my level of self-worth, I had more positive eyes for everyone else but myself. I became a professional cheerleader for any and everyone who had something to share to the world. Don’t get me wrong. It is awesome to be a cheerleader but not at the expense of your self-value and ambitions in life. I didn’t know how to value myself and that was horrible. I believed there was nothing valuable enough in me to offer. It was more comfortable to be backstage and not have all the focus be on me. Being “safe” and free from public criticism felt like the best option. Things gradually started to change for me when I decided to properly observe situations and understand the reasoning behind why many people around me were so acrimonious, bitter and resentful. I started to notice that a lot of people were suffering from past regret and holding on to plenty “had I known” situations. They weren’t bold enough to go for what they wanted and hence lost productive years they did nothing tangible with. I love to put myself in people’s situations a lot; especially when they are going through pain and this was one period in my life I wasn’t so fond of doing it. The pain was unbearable because no matter the solution I came up with in my head, there was nothing that could be done. The time had already been lost and even if we were going to make do with the current time we have, the sorrow that exists now has lasted way too long to permanently erase and create space for a new project. Even though I sympathized with these individuals, I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to be miserable and lose the happy child spirit that existed within me. That was when I promised myself from that time till date to keep pushing no matter what because regret is a very painful and destructive emotion to carry for the rest of one’s life.
- Your ideas might seem ludicrous but if they didn’t they wouldn’t be innovative and unheard of; components that are necessary for greatness. You need to first come across as insane to eventually be seen and acknowledged in the world. Ideas that lack of originality might make it for a for a season but they will eventually lose their relevance. Nobody ever said mixing craziness with a great plan was impossible. Maybe hard or rare but never impossible. Challenge yourself to admire the gift that you are. You have so much to offer this world and that is why you are placed on earth right now. You were not created just to occupy space but to add value to the location that you exist in. Everything about you makes sense so it is only fair to your creator to use this fact to expand the “sense.” Fight for what you believe in. Have a say. Solidify your identity so you have someone great to believe in. Understand that no one will ever believe in you at the capacity that they should until you step up to the role. Strive to be yourself as much as you can because authenticity is something that brings about integrity and integrity makes it easier for everyone around to see you as the star that you were born to be. Don’t be afraid to show yourself a lot of love. Give your dreams a chance to touch the sky. Remember you are worthy and nothing anyone else can say or do can change that fact. Also remember that there is just one you in this world; use that to your advantage.