By Doyinsola Aluko
A Facebook Message to someone I once blanked
About 6 years ago, I sent this message to someone I used to talk to on Facebook. This was supposed to be a message with no more than 5 to 10 lines. It ended up turning into an essay (as usual). I have not blanked anyone else ever since then. Another confession: I typed all this on my phone at about 2am in the morning that day so I barely got a chance to thoroughly read through it. All I wanted to do was just get my point across.
Below is the “essay” I wrote to the one I blanked:
Reality just hit me today; like 3 hours ago. I’ve been living life thinking it’s all sweet and great. Now I know sad things really happen. Well, last year did the same to me too. Took a while to get over it. I had lost my naive outlook of the world. I used to think all the bad things we hear on t.v. were just mere exaggerations of crazy realities. It made me hide from the world in order to avoid fake smiles and shows of happiness. One thing I couldn’t be was fake. Somehow God sent me this friend I could chat with for hours about things I didn’t even know I knew. Honestly, it took me a while to actually believe it was really happening. I hardly ever used to come online. Maybe twice a month. My sister was the champion of anything online related! This might be funny but she was the reason I joined Facebook. I was too into reading novels and about places I found interesting and writing stuff about life in a book I hoped to one day show my kids. I occasionally wrote poems about things that happened in school or just anything random. One time I actually read a whole novel in a day then told my dad to kindly buy me a new one. He was surprisingly glad and bought me a book titled “Daddy” by author Danielle Steel. If only he knew the book had some erotic scenes; sad (I say this with sarcasm). I used to read 24/7 . Sometimes I’d tell my mum to wake me up at midnight so I could study for no reason. It got so bad my parents started begging me to go out more; I know, I was in my own little world. My world quickly out-smarted me and changed into something I was unsure of but I knew trying couldn’t hurt. My reality was suddenly a dream. God knew I was low because I called on him every night. I’m sure he got feed up and sent me this person I had no knowledge of. This person was my only source of joy at the time; very interesting person to say the least. Someone that made me think hard; that never happened to me before. I used to be able to figure out anything! I had finally found a substitute for my sadness; a pleasant communicator that could capture my attention. I was slowly being shown a different world. I was gently entering chapter 6 of one of the books I had read but this time even better; a reality-based version. Still unsure of what to do, I went with the flow but made sure I didn’t get lost in it. Finally, I just gave up being so up-tight and let things go on like they always will. Guess what I realized? God sent me a friend when I was in need of one; he sent me you. So right now as I type this and as you hopefully read this too, know that I appreciate your presence in my life as someone I can tell everything. You know more about me than anybody else. You challenge me; something that most guys can’t do. You excite me, every second of the day (ok that’s freaky, make it every minute but second just goes better haha. I don’t even know). You make me think of the future; something I really never used to do and sadly dreaded. You make me feel things only heaven knows especially because I find your level of intelligence sexy. You make me see things I never used to notice let alone believe in. You don’t complete me. You find and better my already completed but lost self. You make me think a year is a month. Truth is, when I say I’m confused I am really not. I just love the way you explain. Sorry for this insanely long message. I just wanted you to see how crazy I really am. Ok I’m joking. I just wanted you to know this now so I don’t regret the fact that I didn’t ever tell you later. I hate regretting things. It’s one of the few things that kill me.
P.s. I like everyone I know so you’re definitely way higher than this. I love everyone one I care about so you’re higher than this too. I blank you. Don’t worry. One day we’ll find a word to fill in the blank.